I’m angry because I know someone who hurts people, and lies, and feels no remorse about it.
I’m angry because she is manipulative and spiteful, and full of misplaced hatred.
She inflicts physical and emotional abuse on her children, because she can’t control her anger. She offers them the bare minimum of parenting, and leaves her children neglected and unloved. She puts relationships with men, drugs, drink, parties… above her children’s need for a mother. Yet, she holds onto the kids, she fights for them. Why? Because she loves them? No. Because she is stubborn and doesn’t want their dad to ‘win’. Because she wants the child benefit that comes through at the end of the month.
She lies to social workers, the school, the police, herself, and to her child’s face- denying the accusations that she has inflicted physical pain on her children, when they have the marks to prove it, and the irrefutable emotional damage to match.
I’m angry because people believe her. Every time.
She puts the waterworks on, she puts the innocent act on, she puts the ‘I’m a single working mum, and I’m struggling’ act on. I think she genuinely believes her lies. She sits in a room with professionals and has the audacity to deny, deny, and deny again the truth. Her children who love her regardless, have finally and difficultly worked up the courage to speak up and talk about her abuse in the hope of a positive change, and she has the audacity to lie to their faces and tell them they’re wrong. She tells them and others that her children are lying, that they’re naughty, that it was an ‘accident’, and all that courage they worked up turns to fear as they realise, yet again, she’ll get away with it.
Why? Why will she get away with it? Because she’s a woman. If the same allegations were made against those children’s dad, do you think there is any way social services, the police, a court, would leave them in his care? Of course not. Through this whole process, he has been trying to safeguard his children, and even then, they barely want to give him the time of day. But her? 5 minutes in a room with the professionals and it was all just a ‘misunderstanding’. They buy her tears, they buy her lies, and they completely ignore the people who really matter in this situation- the kids who have suffered at her hands for years, who love her anyway, and just want that love in return, and she can’t even do them the decency or admitting her wrongs, taking the blame and doing something to change.
Why do we have a system in this country, that ignores serious accusations, ignores childrens wishes, and intervention is solely a tick-box exercise? Why do it take a childs death to make social services sit up and take notice? Why are cigarette burns, bruises, fingernail marks in necks, not sufficient triggers for concern?
She has cut one of her children off- at the age of 12, a little girl who adored her mum and just wanted a better relationship with her, now has no relationship with her at all, because her mum called her a liar and a bitch and told her she didn’t want anything to do with her. She now makes a choice to not even acknowledge her- to walk past her, and treat this poor child like a stranger. Imagine your mother, inflicting that level of emotional torture on you, at such a young age.
There are so many things unsaid. Every detail left out, every feeling brushed over, that I couldn’t go into now for many reasons.
She is not the kind of mother that struggles, puts her hands up and says ‘I’m not perfect!’- Because no one is perfect, and that’s ok. She is the kind of mother that treats her children like a pawn in a game, not wanting to let go for her own pride and selfish reasons, and that’s not ok. She has no real love or affection invested in those children. She likes the idea of loving them, but when it comes to it- there are far many other things she’d rather be doing.
She is immature, selfish, manipulative, ignorant, a liar, evil.
I am upset.
I am angry.
I am furious.
To the woman I am talking about in this blog: Childhood is supposed to be a safe and comfortable time, where you’re loved and looked after. Their childhoods have been tainted with stress, hurt and confusion. They are left with everlasting damage, all because you are so selfish and careless with their lives. I wish you could feel my rage and understand, but you can’t; you have no perception of the chaos you have caused in their innocent minds. You don’t acknowledge the self-hatred they have developed through all of this, because of you. You don’t see what you’ve done, and I hate you for it.
To you reading this: be kind. Please, be kind. If you have children someday, I beg you to think of them in all you do. Think of the enrichment they need from you, and from others. Don’t cut your parents out of their lives just because you don’t get on well with them. Don’t keep your children from your partner just because you’ve split up. Love selflessly- and yes, I know that is a big ask, I know that puts a lot on your shoulders, but do it. Do it for the knowledge that your kids will be able to live their lives being loved, being given the best they can be, and being protected from futile adult conflict that they should never have to be subjected to. Be kind.